One year ago today I packed up my suitcase and my kids, and took the hardest steps I've ever taken - the ones that took me away from my marriage of fourteen years. I remember standing in the driveway before pulling out thinking, "This is the first day of the rest of my life", and it's been true.
It hasn't been easy - not even close. Just yesterday I found a picture frame that I hadn't hung up, and was going to replace some pictures in it, and found it full of family pictures. That family that isn't there anymore. Today I got an envelope from my lawyer, with paperwork regarding the divorce. It still hits me in the gut pretty hard, reading "Moedt vs. Moedt" in the subject line. When my kids are upset, and look at me and say "It's all your fault, Mom, you did this" - nope, it's not easy.
But yet it's been good. We've been surrounded by people who love us, people who support us, and have held us up all the way along. From my parents to my siblings to the people I work with, parents of my students, the leadership at church, my entire church family - it's been amazing. The kids and I have settled into a routine. We've made some good memories this year, and made our own little traditions - our own little family.
So. One year. I thought today might kind of suck, but it's been good. Started with breakfast in bed, a random of act of kindness from my twelve-year old son - what a kid! Then I was able to celebrate the life of a godly man who I didn't know well, but am privileged to work with his daughter, someone whom I respect greatly. I was blessed by a friend who saw me standing there by myself and said "Come sit with us" - meant more than she could have known. I was able to listen to a message given by Rev. Oord that was written to comfort the family, but touched me so much, reminding me to wait on the Lord. I was able to sit and have coffee in Tim Horton's with my dear daughter, and have a great visit. We came home, painted our toenails, watched Olympics, made supper together. Just a great girls' afternoon. And now, I could sit here and feel sad, but I think I'm going to go watch Olympics, because I do love the Olympics.
I'm glad our year of "firsts" is over - first birthdays, first Christmas, all that. We've come through it, and I think we've come through it stronger than before. This road isn't over, I am quite aware of that. Really, it's just begun, and there's some big hills coming up. But, I don't have to walk it alone. And I know that when I can't do it, my Father will be there to carry me.
Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
- Psalm 103:1-5
4 comments:
Monica, all I can think is that you are a great, brave and amazing lady.
I admire you before and now i admire you even more.
I see you as a chosen Daughter of a Heavenly Father.
This I love to hear. So often, when people make the kind of difficult decision that you made last year, they are just as unhappy a few years later. It sounds like you see and acknowledge the brokenness (I often say that divorce is the gift that keeps on giving), yet you choose to focus on all that is good in your life, in the knowledge that God is in control. Broken, yes, but you're doing very well, cousin. Blessings from your sister (in this state) from the north.
Thanks for posting Monica - you are always on my heart - we will continue to pray for all of you. Hugs my friend!!
Thanks for sharing, Monica! I celebrate this milestone with you and rejoice in how you have managed, with all of God's blessings, this most difficult of years.
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